Elvira at the Track

22 Feb

Oh…so much really important stuff here…where to begin, where to begin…

1)  About a year ago, maybe, I was heading out of the locker room to run and I noticed a lady with all her fashion paraphernalia standing in front of a mirror.  She was, like, froofing up her hair, and applying lipstick, and I literally walked through a cloud of perfume as I walked past her and out the door.  I guess I just assumed that she was post-workout and on her way somewhere.  A few minutes later, as I’m running, she comes walking out onto the track.  She had, apparently, been down in the locker room getting ready for her workout.  I’m like seriously?! And, come to find out, there are a lot of people who do this.

My dear fellow humans, this ought not to be.

Don’t do that.  Don’t apply makeup and haircrap and perfume and cologne before you work out.  Just don’t.  Don’t.

Here’s why: A) If you’re trying to attract someone by your beauty, ok fine, but eventually, if you do hook up with someone from the gym, that person will have to see you plain and stinky.  I mean, you can’t put it off forever, right?  I mean, they’re gonna have to see you in the shower, or having a baby, or in a mug shot, or in the morning, or under heavy fluorescent lights..or something, right?  Why put off the inevitable?  Just be ugly up front, and then if you get asked out, at least you’ll know they like you as is.  Or something like that, but most importantly B)  some people have really horrible allergies and asthma, and when they exercise and have to breathe in your product, it makes them have a really hard time breathing and their chest rattles and they have to use their inhaler and take emergency medication and stand in the shower itching and then their eyes swell up and things just get extremely unpleasant, Elvira.

Sheesh.

2.  My friend just introduced me to the world of watching circa 1950’s public service announcements on YouTube.  Like The Importance of Developing Good Habits.   Ever wonder if you’re popular?  There’s an instructional video for that.  Or do you need to know how to spot a communist?  There’s one for that.  What to do on dates, all kinds of stuff.  I have awesome friends.

3.  Had to embroider a roller skate today.  Had to, don’t know why.

So much I want to do.

Want to write, without distractions.  (Millie like to stand next to me when I’m writing and ask me questions and give me little kisses on my cheek.  Which is sweet, but…….)

Want to live in Israel.  Spent an evening with some Israelis last week; this has added considerably to my desire to move to Israel.  Next year at this time, I would love to be blogging from Israel.  Note to self, note to all, note to God.  Said it.  4:57 pm, Wednesday, February 22, 2012.  I’m learning Hebrew; You know I am; You know I’m trying.

One life.

Don’t want to waste time.

Want to be obedient.

Want to trust.

To find.

Bye.

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Free Stuff For Our Hungry Right Brains: Zero Landfill

19 Feb

My sweet friend (and mixed-media artist) invited me to a Zero Landfill event on Saturday.

If you’ve never heard of this program–I certainly hadn’t–it’s very cool.  Local interior design firms, architectural firms, building trade retailers, etc, etc drop off their stuff (old sample books, discontinued tile, remnants, you name it) instead of just throwing it into the dumpster.  Then “the public” gets to come cart it all off.

Crafters, artists, quilters…you gotta go get you some stuff.

I scored some huge paint card collections and card stock for my kids to craft with, along with some huge, thick tubes (that I really didn’t want to bring home, but I knew Zeke would love them for his rockets,) and even a retro chair.  My friend got enough tile (all of the same pattern) to redo her kitchen floor.

For free!!!

If you happen to live in the Knoxville area, here’s a bit from the news.  Otherwise see if they have a site near you–or you could start one.  I think it’s a terrific idea.  Obviously.

Bye.

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Cakeness

14 Feb

I am always so five minutes ago.

So please forgive me if all of this has already come and gone from your radar.

Have you heard of Cake Wrecks?  If on the off chance you haven’t, and you are at work right now, just know that you will be laughing uncontrollably; so take that into consideration.  Just start with “The Classics” and “Fan Favs” over on the right of the Cake Wrecks site.

Not Cake Wrecks, though, these:

{via here}

{via here}

{via here}

Those are just pretty!!!

Millie and I are going to start experimenting from this book.

We are inspired and hopeful.

Bye.

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Ballerinas ALWAYS Use the Potty

13 Feb

At two years, nine months my daughter wasn’t close to being potty trained.   She spent most days flitting about the house.   I called to inquire about dance lessons for her.  She needed to be three.  Occasionally the studio made exceptions if the child was very soon to be three (three months, close enough, eh?) and most definitely, absolutely, unequivocally toilet trained.  I told the lady that my daughter was definitely, absolutely, unequivocally toilet trained.

I have a very guilty conscience.  I remember feeling reallyreally ashamed and sweaty and guilty and sick-to-my-stomach with anxiety as soon as I hung up the phone.

I called my daughter over.

“Millie,”  I said, “Mommy has just done a very bad thing.  Mommy has told someone that you use the potty.”

She looked horrified.

“So,” I said, “you must now never ever pee or poo in your pants ever ever ever ever again.”

She looked like she may cry.  She understood the situation was grave.

“And, listen, Millie,”  I said, “The only way you can be a ballerina is if you never ever ever ever wet or poo your pants again.”  And then I added, for good measure, and with a flourish that I hoped was profound, “Because ballerinas always use the potty.”

Believe it or not (and I understand if you don’t)–Millie never peed or pooed in her pants again.  Ever.

So, there’s that.

Anyhow, when Millie was two I got her a bag for her dance stuff.  It was literally the only tote at the dance store, and ugly.  I had every intention of buying a replacement sometime, but it would have to do in the meantime.  And then I got kinda interested in sewing and thought I’d just sew her a dance bag.  Never did.  She’s ten now and has still been using it–at least, up until a month or so ago.

I finally started designing A Dancer’s Bag.  Requirements: has to stand up on it’s own–no floppage.  Has to be easy to get into.  Has to have separate compartments, one for shoes and one for clothes.  Has to have a place for a cell phone/money/keys/tampon.  Has to have a cross-body strap.  Has to have someplace for a water bottle and someplace for hair things.

I’m getting there.  It’s taking time.  A lot of little girls will be getting castoffs from the island of misfit dance bags.

Just a few:

I hope to have a tutorial up in the next few weeks.  I’m stuck on the water bottle part.  And the closure.

What else, what else?

Oh, Wonder Mom’s mom (Wonder Marmee?) gave my daughter a dollhouse, and she (my daughter), my son, my husband, and myself spent all weekend being human clamps–trying to put it together.  But it’s together now and we’re painting it red.

I jumped on eBay right away to get some furnishings for it.  BAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaaaaaa!  Do you know how much dollhouse stuff costs?!

I can’t even afford the peeps!!

So, for now this lovely house has:

a piano.

Without a bench; standing only.

We will be sewing and making a lot of dollhouse stuff.

But my daughter is so totally happy.  She keeps playing with it, just using her little fingers as people.  Fingers up the stairs, fingers in the kitchen, fingers running around, fingers off to bed, fingers talking to each other.

So, anyhow.  Remember:

Ballerinas always use the potty.

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Insanely Good Design

09 Feb

Have just discovered Holli Zollinger’s Spoonflower page.

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Rick Rocks It

07 Feb

So.

We’ve hoped.

We’ve changed.

But maybe now we could try thinking.

<a href="http://piecelove.net/uncategorized/rick-rocks-it/" target="_blank"><img src="http://piecelove.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/RickRocksIt20121.png" alt="Rick Rocks It" /></a>

Have decided Reader Alienation Friday is just plain ridiculous.

Because one shouldn’t have to wait for a specific day to offend people.

{Spread the goodness around; copy and paste that image code and run wild, oh ye freedom luvahs!}

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Soul Money.7

03 Feb

5.2

Exit parents.

Hey.

Hey.

How’s it goin?

Good.  Good.

I think this is the first time my parents have left us alone in the house.

Yeah.

Guess they don’t have anything to worry about anymore.

Sorry.  I don’t know why I…

S’alright.

So, I got home a few days ago.

Yeah.

Been trying to call you.

Yeah.

What the heck, Stace?  Whaaaaaaaaaaat’s goin on?

I don’t know.

You don’t know.

I’m…confused.

About what?

I don’t know.

Ok.

I’m sorry.

About us?

Hmm?

Are you confused about us?

Yeah.

Ok, I don’t know what that means.

Staci, please talk to me, and please look at me.

Hi.

What is it?

I don’t know.

I don’t know if we should…If we’re meant to be together right now.  It’s been a lot.

It’s been a lot.

It’s been a lot for you.

Tyler.

For you.

Ty.

That’s…interesting.  Because look at me, could you, just, actually

look at me for a second…Staci, look at me

I am!

Cause everything’s great over here for me.

Shut up.

What the…?

Whatever.  I understand.

No you don’t.

I don’t?  Ok.

You don’t.

Sure I do.  I’m in a wheelchair now.  I can’t walk.  My body’s messed up.

And who cares if I’m still the same guy who loves you?  Physical.  It’s always physical with you.

That’s not true!

Then what is this?!!

It’s me not wanting to give up everything.

Like what?

Like sex.

That’s pretty physical, Stace.

And babies.

And moving around the…planet.  Having a life.

Right.

I’m sorry.

I’ll give you what you want, Stace.

No you won’t.  You wouldn’t before.

Excuse me?

I wanted you.  All of you.  I wanted to experience…I wanted you,

but you were scared or something.

I was principled!  There’s a difference!

You were a coward!  And now it’s too late!

Who are you?!

Well, gosh, Staci, I’m so sorry for the hell I put you through,

trying to get to know you for you, and respecting you, and

being able to look your dad in the eye when I talked to him…

Hell?  You think that was Hell?  It was purgatory,

Tyler!  This is Hell!  I’m sorry for being so selfish

and wanting to not be, like, a eunuch when I’m

seventeen!  And for wanting to be anything other

than your wife!

Why’d you just say that?  Sit down.

No.

Just sit down for a second.

No.

Sit down!

No!

Staci, what the…?!!

Staci!!!

5.3

I remember my pastor talking once in a sermon about anger.  It was very informative.  He said that there are different levels of emotion, and that anger is a secondary emotion.  That is, you never feel it first–it’s the result of a primary emotion, like fear or embarrassment or sadness or frustration.  And no matter what anybody says, you can’t manage anger unless you identify and deal with the primary cause of it.

And I strongly suspect, but who am I?, that of all the primary emotions, frustration is the most volatile.

Try any of these:

1.  Your mom leaves you alone for maybe a half hour while she runs to the grocery store.  She has parked your wheelchair right next to your bed, but forgotten to put the brakes on.  You reach to grab it, but you accidentally knock it just out of reach.  With one hand you hang onto your headboard so that you don’t fall off your bed onto the hard laminate floor, and then with your other hand you reach for the chair.  You reach so hard that your muscles are taut, your ligaments are about to tear, and you feel like your arm is about to come out of its shoulder socket.  But you just can’t gain that one half inch to the chair.  So you wait for your mommy.

2.  You live in an old house.  There’s an upstairs, which you can’t get to, a basement–where the washer and dryer are, which you can’t get to, and then a main level.  On the main level there’s a long, narrow hallway running from the front of the house to the back.  You can’t get down it in your wheelchair because of a huge radiator that sticks out from the wall on one side.  So you are basically confined to your awesome new bedroom with really wide doors, a tiny north-facing living room, and the kitchen.

3.  And the kitchen:  You can’t pull up to either side of the fridge and then lean and pull the door open, because there isn’t that much room on either side of the fridge.  And you can’t get directly in front of the fridge and lean forward and open the fridge door, because there’s a counter top where you would need to be in order to do that.  And you can’t move the table out of the kitchen to make more room, because your awesome new bedroom is where the dining room used to be.  So your parents have to put a little microfridge in your room.  And no matter what is in the microfridge, it’s never what you actually need at any given time.

4.  Your girlfriend basically referred to you as a eunuch and moved two time zones away and hasn’t called.  Not once.

5.  You have to keep a log of your bowel movements to give to a doctor.

6.  Your mom asks you about your bowel movements.  Every day.

7.  It takes you at least fifteen minutes to go out and get the mail.  On a good day.  And that’s pretty much the funnest thing you do.

Frustration.

Confinement.  Living in slow motion.  Straining to do everything–a ridiculous exhaustion.  Being left behind.  Idleness.  Home in the middle of the day, asleep in light, awake in dark, still amid movement, uselessness.

And that apart from missing.

Missing a touch, warm and light on the sides of my face.  Missing the crooked line of the part in her hair, the peach fuzz on the far back of her jaw bone when her face was backlit.  Birthmark on the side of her right ring finger, another on that same wrist.

Her short, lagging stride; the fact that she’d jog with me at all.

Adorable disheveledness–shirt untucked in the back, always tugging up her little britches.  That short, choppy hair–often flattened on one side because she’d fallen asleep leaning against something.

Everything just got really…medical.  Still is, though less so, and I get that sometimes you just need a breather.  That sometimes disinfected just isn’t far enough away from infected–you need to

step. out. side.

But she’s gone.  And gone is far.

6.0

I gained like fifteen pounds that winter.  I was technically still in school.  All I lacked to graduate was pre-Cal, two electives, a semester of German, and English.  The German I did at home–it was my second year of it.  The teacher A) knew B) liked C) felt sorry for me–gave me straight B’s as log as I knew when to use das, der, and die.  I also took “Architectural Drawing” at home–which everybody knew was actually “Smoking Behind the Band Room,” so the teacher couldn’t conscionably give me low grades on anything.  I took a high school correspondence course from UT–marketing?–can’t remember; Mom kind of did it for me–don’t judge–and then it was arranged for me to graduate after taking the math and science in summer school.  The schoolwork gave me some diversion, and I had a steady stream of friends coming over to help/tutor/stare at me.

The one thing that really kept me going, though–kept my hands off the knives in the stillness of midday, kept me getting into the shower when I had no place to go–was this faint thing between a whisper and a thought:

for a reason

I did not touch my bible.  I knew where it was, and I knew where God was, the way you know where your kid is, because you just do, which is,

exactly where you left him.

But I was so mad.  I said, uh, swears.  To God.  Because those were the baddest words I could think to say.  And that’s what people say in the movies.  And movies are a highly accurate representation of real life.

And it made me feel not one inch better.  There are moments, and note this, writers, when you are way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past an expletive.

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Good Morning, You

02 Feb

Whomever you are.  Wherever you are.

Ducks and chickens are laying.  Animals are now up-to-date on vaccinations and been tricked into eating their pills.   The sun is shining.   Just got a Latin primer in the mail and my kids are horrified.

Ah, it’s going to be a good day!

Oooooo, derivatives and conjugations, oh and ablative and dative!

A very fine day indeed!

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Spring Trinket, oh, and Beastie Boys!

28 Jan

I had an idea for a quilt this week, and it looked good on the graph paper, but I was still anxious to see how it would actually turn out.  Sometimes things just don’t translate.  I keep looking at it, trying to decide if it’s a keeper.  I think probably.  But with different shades next time.  That green in the middle bothers me.  And I don’t know about that green on the very outside.

I really need a sponsor.

Other than my husband.

I’d like to learn Hebrew.

This stock looks good, doesn’t it?   Or does it not?  I think it does.  At least, I think I think.

Finished writing the end of my book this week.  Problem is I have huge gaping holes and cracks in the middle that need filled and glued.  It’ll happen.  Trying to believe that, trust God for words.

Wish I could be in a really convenient running club.  Wish a whole group of people would run up the wretched mountain road to my house every day or two and fetch me to jog.  It would be awesome and I’d give everybody…water…and…Mentos…and maybe hugs.

And they’d stretch with me and make me hold it longer than 5 seconds.  And they’d all be really really nice and know first aid and tell me all the time You can do it! and Yeah, that’s the way! and carry my inhaler and Benadryl for me.  And afterward we’d all do a perfectly synchronized dance to Intergalactic, because Beastie Boys would be all of our favorite band.  To run to.

Keeping on hoping.

Just me.  Up here on a mountain hoping.

Bye.


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The Sloppy Shelf: Choosing Homeschool Curriculum

25 Jan

Somebody suggested I post about homeschool curriculum (curricula?)–particularly Math, Science, and Bible.

{the sloppy homeschool shelf}

I don’t write about homeschooling a whole lot, for a few reasons.  A)  Even though we’re in our seventh year of it, I still feel very…rookie.  B)  I think homeschooling is a very dull topic.  Like, duller than the other dull topics I go on about.

But, whatever, I can still throw in my two cents.

We use Sonlight as our main curriculum.   Armed with my puny BA in Lit, I have this to say: Sonlight’s selections are way better than the crapola books I had to read in college, [and yes, I'm talking to you Professor BigStuff with your exaggerated lilt and your Marquise of O.  You probably sleep with little Eliot and Pound dolls, don't you?  You probably think you invented tea, don't you?]

For Bible, we mainly use The Bible.  I love the New International Reader’s Version (NIrV.)  We’ve been reading every school day for years out of the Adventure Bible, and it’s been wonderful.  That particular Bible has a lot of little blurbs about…interesting stuff.  I’m flipping through it right now…for instance, a cutaway illustration of an ancient house and courtyard, a blurb about how letter-writing materials have changed throughout the centuries, background information at the beginning of every book, a blurb about ship anchors, a “Did You Know?” box that talks briefly about “What did a high priest do?” and on and on.  Besides the extremely readable format, there has been a lot of other info and discussion questions to keep us occupied.

If you’re more of a “life application” kind of Bible reader, there is also a Kids’ Quest NIrV Bible that I have been impressed with.  My daughter has this one and enjoys it, but I prefer reading out of the Adventure Bible for school.

The key, I think, is to find a translation that your kids can understand and enjoy.  If I try to lay a bunch of thees and thous on them, they go to sleep.  And I’d just have to rephrase everything anyhow.

Sometimes, too, if I come across an interesting read, or am recommended one, the kids and I will do that too, but honestly, 90% of the time we just read from the Bible for our “Bible curriculum.”  Back in September/October of last year we read Max and Jenna Lucado’s You Were Made to Make a Difference, and it was really fun and relevant.  Like really relevant.  Like websites you can go to right now to get involved in your community and the world.

Ok, Science.  We’ve been using Switched-On Schoolhouse software for the past few years, and we’ve like it ok, but I don’t think we’re going to stay with it.  It’s very intense, I think, and dwells on minutiae.  I need to look at Home Science Tool’s Catalog and Curriculum Guide and see if maybe there’s a better fit for us out there.

And it goes without saying, right, that if we ever really want a certain curriculum, but it’s really beyond our budget, that we should really look on eBay for said curriculum, particularly in summer, or even post a “wanted” ad on Craigslist?  Or go to a used curriculum fair sponsored by our local homeschool co-op?  Or sign up to be a part of an online forum for our local co-op and then ask if any one of their hundreds of members has that curriculum lying around that they’d like to sell dirt cheap or trade?

And Math.  We are huge, huge fans of Math-U-See.  My son loved it from an early age–still can’t figure out if he’s more visual or more tactile in his learning style, but whatever, it’s well-suited for both styles, and my daughter is an auditory learner and Math-U-See works for her too because of the videos.  Note: It’s a very sequential program with a unique fundamental paradigm, so slipping into this program at an older age may be a bit tricky.  Math-U-See has an FAQ page that appears to address this.  Highly recommend.

Also, year before last, I think, we finally, as a desperate Hail Mary attempt to get our son to memorize his times tables, got Memorize In Minutes.   It worked.  It has some of the dorkiest, most ridiculous illustrations and rhymes, but it was exactly what he needed.   I had a really hard time with my times tables too.  Memorizing numbers is a really hard thing for visual learners, apparently.  I wish we had gotten that book two years earlier than we did, but oh well.

Total aside:  And this is my unprofessional take on things.  How do you know what kind of learner your kid is?  Well, when you ask your child something, does he/she pause for a bit before answering?  Does he doodle a lot on stuff?  Or seem to be staring off into space during a lesson?  Probably a visual learner.  All those pauses and stares and doodles are an attempt to create a visual image in his mind of whatever it is he’s just heard or read.  Give that kid as many pictures and diagrams as you can.  Or, do you have a kid that won’t keep his blasted hands off anything?!  In stores he touches everything, and pets animals, and gets his grubby hands on everything precious in sight and is always grabbing things out of your hands and always like Can I hold it? Good chance that’s a tactile/kinesthetic learner–experiences the world through touch.  Buy stuff he’s allowed to touch.  Let him hold as much as you can bare for him to hold.  Make sure he’s always got something to hold onto while he’s doing stuff; it will make him feel smarter.  Those kids…those kids have it rough.  Can you imagine going to a museum where it’s just one visual display after another and everything’s cordoned off and all you want to do is feel the painting, the sculpture, the glass, the fiber, but you have to just look, and looking doesn’t absorb into your mind the way it does with other people, and you know you will forget.  And you know you are always in trouble for touching.  And then there’s the auditory learner.  The kid who likes music on in the car and also likes to talk over the music–like it’s her own personal soundtrack.  When you ask her questions, it is not odd for her to sing her response.  When the house is quiet, and she’s supposed to be doing math problems, she starts to generate her own sound–little lip smacks or popping sounds or toe taps or table thumps.  Because when there is sound, things are real, memorable.  Anytime you can get that kid to learn through song, do it.  Give her some learning/homework space where she can have a radio playing–even just classical music.  If she gets her work done faster when she’s listening to her mp3 player, let her listen to it.  And when she creates her own noise, try to understand.

And read this book.

And now I’m really bored.

Bye.

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